My last weeks of treatment

[rjs]

So I have 6 more shots left.  Can anyone tell me why I have become so weak?  My rbc and hemoglobin is holding.  My hemoglobin is at 12 which is great.  My muscles are so weak I just shake.  Sometimes I am afraid my legs will just give out.  I cannot even open a jar of spaghetti sauce.  I just do not get it, why each week is worse.  Has anyone else had that happen, just feel more and more drained as treatment progresses?  I have walked my dog nearly every day and today did not even have the strength to do it.  I have been able to mentally overcome and force myself to move until now.  Now I just am soo tired.  They changed me from Prozac to Cymbalta and I know it takes time but...

I also know that detoxing this week took a lot out of me, but I have been through worse and always been able to make myself get out of the bed.  This is crazy, without a drop in RBC,how many others were this fatigued... so fatigued that every little task seems overwhelming?

My last question is when do you worry about the blurriness with the eyes?  Mine comes and goes but is becoming more frequent.  Should I see an opthalmologist?  Or should I just tough it out since I am so close?

I really try to deal with all this with humor... and I still can laugh at myself, especially when I picture myself  on my front porch,  bb gun and all, yelling at some bird who just would not be quiet.   



rjs

[banarep]

I know for me, it was just that as I got closer to the end, my body just said enough.  it is like running a race.  i have run marathons, half marathons and ultra marathons, but whenever I got within 4 - 5 miles of the finish, I always felt it then....no matter how far I had run up till then.  I really think it is seeing the finish line.

[sweet sue]

Remember my sister, you are still in detox mode. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. Just take it easy.

sweet sue 

[keith]

I agree with the others rjs, i know for me , the more weeks went by and the closer i got to the end of TX the worse i got, almost like a toxic shock syndrome. I think at this point in time the body is just saturated with the meds and it really pushes you to your limits. Hang in there it's almost over for you!     
                                                                                        Keith

[jimmer]

My HGB has been hanging around at 10.3 for almost the entire Tx, my energy level is very low but I have managed to keep doing although at a much slower pace, did yard work this weekend again at a much reduced pace.

I also get blurry vision drove to Chicago this week and could hardly read the signs, wife directed me and she drove a bunch also.

Hey were almost there hang tough.

jimmer

[lynn]

The more in my system the worse my symptoms. But just close your eyes and run through the next six..you are almost at the finish line. Do whatever, it takes but get there. I think I spent 50 percent of my time at the end in a tub of hot water. That was the only thing to help with the aches and pains. You are almost there!!!!!

[peteman2]

rjs,
I agree with everyone elses posts.  It is a marathon tx and I have found that with 4 weeks to go, it has become more taxing on my energy as well.

One step at a time.  Do what you can and listen to what your body is telling you.  REst when you can.
You are almost to the end of this tx and we're rooting for you to finish.  You can do it.
Here's to happier, healthier days ahead.

Pete

[rjs]

Thanks for the supportive words.  The blurriness is one of the main reasons I have goneout on LTD, I just cannot drive 6 to 8 hours a day.  It really triggers the headaches.

It is just hard when you know others have been able to do so much more on treatment. I am so sick of being sick.  I am also a little angry that I cannot put mind over matter.

6 weeks seems short when you type it but when you are sitting at home miserable it feels like an eternity.

thanks for letting me know I am not crazy and this treatment has wiped out others towards the end.

rjs

[MichelleZ]

Dear Rjs:  Sooo good to hear that you are near the end of tx and your strength
to-date has been nothing less than inspiring to us all!  The fact that you are
working and exercising is a miracle while on tx (for me anyway) and puts
my sluggishness and complete withdrawal from the world into shame.

And yes, the sides do get worse.  Just remember...Your 'body' doesn't know
what your 'mind' does, that you are almost at that finish line!  So be kind to
the bod and banish those thoughts that make you feel like you should be
feeling better...because you will not until you have kicked the  out of the
:dragon and THEN SOME!

Your sense of humor has always made my days (and I'm sure everyone elses)
a lot easier to handle.  Hey, you get the most responses to your posts (lol). 

I can't wait until it's OVER for you and am relishing reading about your life when
you FEEL GREAT again....and you WILL!  TRUST ME.

Luv
Michelle

[MichelleZ]

Oops, I forgot (gee, how did that happen - ha ha).  My eyes were also bad
during tx but now that I'm 4 months out of it...man, I can SEE AGAIN!  It's
amazing really, I'm not wearing my glasses 1/2 as much as I used to AND
they're not red/yellow anymore, they are as clear as the driven snow!

Things to look forward to: 

1.  Clear Eyes
2.  Saliva again
3.  Rash gone - although I do note dry little spots on the bod where I had the rash!
4.  Muscle aches MUCH better, am sure the ones I do have are within my AGE group
5.  Hair falling out/breaking - GONE!
6.  Can wear make-up again, without it hurting my skin!
7.  Can wear jewellery again, without it hurting my skin!
8.  I'm exercising (well, for me that's a biggie)
9.  Appetite is back
10.Sleep (with still a little help) is back
11. Fatigue is gone
12. My brain is back (although some will disagree....)
13. Am working on the 'rage' thing, but I'm pretty sure it's the same as it was!

Anyhoo, just a few things to get you through the next 'Minute'

Luv
Michelle

[greyrocker]

And to all that on the list, I would add....your sense of humour is back too, Michelle. 

Good stuff!

greyrocker

[banarep]

michelle,

good to see all that is going well. 

[Inauspicious RN]

Wow, you are such an inspiration. My eyes were cloudy, too and have just about all of your side effects, too. My hair is coming out by the handfuls and I had such pride about my pretty, thick long hair.
I saw an Ophthalmologist before rx started so I know (or hope) the cloudiness will go away in 3 months when my tx is over.
The only thing that keeps me sane is music, smooth jazz played loud through the house!

[rjs]

IRN,

Check out some of my posts in the dungeon forum and you will see I have wanted to throw in the towel more times than I can count.  My lifeline is the people here that keep telling me I can do it!  My IPOD is also loaded with music to get through this, I totally understand that one.

I cannot imagine being a nurse and going through treatment because this treatment has really turned me in to a b!@#@.  I would want to say "You think you feel bad.... blah blah blah"    At least animals only bite or scratch when they are distressed.

I have told my kids that there is a monkey with symbols and my head is in between the symbols.  So we have a stuffed monkey in a little pet carrier by my bed and if the monkey is out, the kids know mom's head is pounding and to be very very quiet.  But seriously, I have lost it so many times due to the irritability, heck like I said I went out on my front porch with a bb gun and yelled at a bird that would not quit its annoying chirping.   I had to get some Ativan for my moments but have not had to use it since on the Cymbalta.  I was a successful paraprofessional on no medications living my life out the way I had it planned and now I am out on diasbility and taking 10 different prescription drugs.  Whatever it takes, just have to get through this.  Anyone who does this treatment is an inspiration, so you hang in there.

rjs

[Hepper Joe]

Hang tough your all most there.

Joe