I surrender to this treatment!

[rjs]

Hey guys,

You all have all stood by my side and listened to me at every stage of this treatment.  I will always be grateful for each and every one of you.

I have decided that I just cannot push forward anymore and work like this.  I cannot drive for 4 to 8 hours a day with these headaches/migraines, vertigo and nausea that has set in. I have also decided I will not let this  win.  So tomorrow I will call my boss and tell her I am taking my vacation days this week, then I am going to call my PCP to tell her that I cannot drive like this and she will likely need to fill out long term disability paperwork this week for me.  I  will then hitch myself to the plow and move forward to go see the neurologist Wednesday and start the journey of trying to manage my pain, nausea and vertigo.  After that appointment I  will throw in the the towel and let HR know it is time for me to go on long term disability.  They may or may not hold my job.  I will just have to face one day at a time and one payment at a time.  Sooo, I am going out the last 7 weeks and giving my body the chance to kill this beast.  I have given in to this treatment, it has taken me to my knees. 

In hindsight, I wish I knew that treatment sides can be so horrible toward the end and I would have tried to save some of my short term disability time.

Ya know I did everything right, 4 college degrees, worked my butt off to get the job I have.  Everything just ripped out from under me and looking at starting over.  Worst thing is I have to face my kids everyday knowing I gave in and that made their life change drastically.  I know it could be much worse and they could have me have given in and let this dragon win.  Not having a mom would be worse.  A mom's guilt is difficult to control though, like I needed to be more depressed.

This treatment sucks! 

Thanks for listening and holding my hand through all of this.

rjs

[banarep]

rjs,

nothing to feel guilty about.  what you are trying to do in beating this  is what is best for you and your kids in the long run.  short term, it may be hard and it may be tough on all of you, but to keep fighting the hep is what you must do.  jobs come and go, much like bus boys in a busy diner, but when you beat the  you will able to provide a much better life for your family.

and as to knowing about the sides and being better prepared, that is not anything you could have foreseen.  not only does the treatment affect each person differently, it affects us differently each time we are on it.

you have and are still putting up a great fight and going in for long term disability is giving you a chance to continue this battle.  my thoughts are with you.


br

[jimmer]

I would not call that giving in, I would call that a true warrior, changing the war plan staying one step ahead of the dragon, this is nothing to take lightly and you must do what you need to do. So I commend you for your determination to continue the fight.

jimmer

[greyrocker]

I agree, you have nothing to feel ashamed about, and nothing to feel guilty about. What I don't understand is why anyone's job should be at risk because they have to take a couple of months off to get healthy. If I go off work here on sick pay, my job is protected and secure. Last year, I went off work for 17 weeks because of tx, I just couldn't be an effective counsellor, at least until I got used to being med sick all the time.

Check with your State employment regulations, see if they can terminate you for being sick. It just doesn't seem right!
 
 
greyrocker

[rjs]

GR,

I had 6 months of company paid short term disability - that was full pay.  It took that long to get the diagnosis, suffer through the misdiagnosis and incorrect treatment.  I only had about 8 weeks left for HCV treatment and I took it.  I took all my STD.  My only option is to go out on LTD which is 1/2 pay.  They are under no obligation to hold my current job position.  They may be able to find me employment once I am well but they are located in Kansas and I cannot relocate my kids.  There are only 4 positions in Michigan and there are plenty of people waiting for one of them to open up.  So the ball is completely in their court.

I am a very strong person, but with these migraines and the vertigo, how I can I drive?  There is just no answer and by the time the neurologist probably gets me straightened out I will nearly be done with treatment.

So that's my story   sad as it may be... it is what it is.

rjs

[ipaqgps]

rjs,

It is great to see that you have made the decision.  You should feel some stess lifted with making the decision and doing  it. 

Read about this tx......read the stories..............think you have an idea or what the bad will be like....think that you had no clue!!! 

Your children will be (are)  proud of you...!  Look at the incredible poem by your son.  Unfortunately are your expense they will learn a compassion that seems to be missing amongst the younger generation. 

You are Doing IT!  You are Making It!  Just a few weeks more and recovery will begin.

Hugz..... Soft and gentle so not to hurt you.....

ipaq

 

[reneemyers]

iT'S GOOD TO BE BACK ON LINE i HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET ON LINE AND POST SINCE THE CRASH  Rjs, 9 weeks  left?  that is great! I have 39 weeks left.  Sounds like you have made  a well thought out decision.  Hope you don't forget. jkd   Renee

[sweet sue]

rjs,

I'm glad you have finally made a decision as well. This will work it's way out somehow. I know how important your job is to you, but your health is much more important. Your kids will adapt and deal with it and you will all be happier in the long run.

Waving my wand

sweet sue 

[jaxson50]

rjs.
 Speaking as someone who has gone through tx twice I think taking the time off so you can put all of your energy towards beating this thing is the right thing to do. Some people handle tx better than others, I don't know why, I had a hard time with it both times, but must say the 1st round 1998/99 was the worst...but in both cases I could not have functioned at my job which were very physically demanding jobs. 

[greyrocker]

GR,

I had 6 months of company paid short term disability - that was full pay.  It took that long to get the diagnosis, suffer through the misdiagnosis and incorrect treatment.  I only had about 8 weeks left for HCV treatment and I took it.  I took all my STD. 
rjs

Sorry, rjs, I didn't realize you had used up most of your STD pre-tx. Bummer.

Somehow, things have a way of working out and I hope that happens for you.

GR

[keith]

Somehow,someway this will all work out for you rjs.  Stay strong were all here for you

[rjs]

Thanks for all the kind and supportive words.  Now I get to sit and wait for HR.... just love waiting...patience is not a virtue of mine. 


rjs

[peteman2]

rjs,
You have made a courageous decision and when you are ready there may be new meds out then that will help you successfully fight this virus without the incredible side effects you have endured.
You are a strong person and a great role model too for your kids on how to handle adversity of all kinds.

Pete

[sweet sue]

Well put Pete. And don't forget that about yourself.

sweet sue

[Hepper Joe]

rjs:  Stay strong.....hang in there.  You will make it thru this.  Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Joe